Currently:

1. …sitting in my office, door firmly shut. A woman diagnosed as bipolar is having a manic episode in my coworker’s office. She’s screaming about pesticides, health education and getting her “cousin” Cornell West to come down and “kick some racist ass.”
2. …grumpy cuz I’m PMSing.
3. …feeling lethargic and bloated from the greasy chinese food I ate for lunch (fuckin’ cravings). This is, in turn, making me more grumpy.
4. …really need to get to the bathroom to pee, but Bipolar Woman is now sitting right outside my office. If she sees me, she will undoubtedly stop me to yak about something which will make me even more grumpy.
5. …starting to get hot. My normally freezing office is now stuffy because the door has been firmly shut.
6. …feeling sad that I couldn’t make it up to Dallas for Michael’s funeral.
7. …now listening to Bipolar Woman in my coworker’s office again, screaming about rural health care.

Since Bipolar Woman is occupied in my coworker’s office, I’m gonna sneak out for a bathroom run. Wish me luck. If I don’t return, would someone please make sure to feed Skokie.

 

When I quit smoking, I installed a small program that keeps track of one’s smoke-free days. Here are my stats:

As of 11:11am on Monday, May 9th, I’ve been smoke-free for:

Nine months, three weeks, two days
12 hours, 48 minutes and 21 seconds
2975 cigarettes not smoked, saving $520.68.
Life saved: 1 week, 3 days, 7 hours, 55 minutes.

Do I get cravings?
Rarely. In fact, I consider it a personal victory that I can sit in a smoky bar with 4 chain smokers without anything more than a 5-second craving.

Am I one of those born-again anti-smokers?
Not at all. In fact, I love the smell of cigarette smoke. Yum.

One thing I’ve noticed about the anti-smoking movement is that they share similarities with overly zealous christian/religious movements:

- They operate on group-think. If you go to one of their meetings, don’t drink the Kool Aid.
- They insist on forcing their beliefs on everyone else.
- Everything is black and white, good and evil. No room for grey. You’re either with them, or against them.
- They resort to backhanded strategies. My office is next to the coordinator of the County’s Smoke Free initiative. I’ve listened to her dial restaurants posing as a “frequent” customer and demanding they remove their smoking section….otherwise, they’ll lose her as a “loyal customer.” She’ll start yelling about how second hand smoke kills children, causes lung cancer, etc……and after she finishes yelling at one restaurant, she’ll dial another beginning with “I just ate at your restaurant, and I have a big complaint about your smoking policy!!!” It’s disgusting, and has made me lose all respect for the County’s Smoke Free Initiative. I’ve even heard her urge grantees to steal ashtrays from restaurants to send a message that smoking is not OK.

Fortunately for the rest of us (smokers and non-smokers alike), this woman was fired a month ago.

Uh, didn’t you once work at M.D. Anderson on a smoking cessation project? And you were a smoker?
Yeah, so what? Walk by any of the official/unofficial smoking spots around M.D. Anderson, and you’ll see crowds of doctors and nurses puffing away.

So, did you quit smoking because you were working at M.D. Anderson?
No. In fact, I was a closeted smoker…..and I wasn’t the only one.

Then why did you quit?
- I had been smoking for close to 12 years.
- I was smoking because I was addicted and not because I enjoyed it.
- I was seriously and severly out of shape and in terrible health.
- I was tired of being seriously and severely out of shape and in terrible health.
- My clothes always smelled like an ashtray.
- I was sick of using scented body spray and chewing gum before every visit to my parents.
- I was getting strange pains and aches in my chest, which made me hypochondriatic(sp?) and convinced I had cancer.
- I got depressed pretty easily.

Since I quit:
- Started running, and am training for the 2006 Houston Marathon.
- Started biking and swimming.
- Picked up tennis again.
- Lost a lot of weight.
- Feeling pretty happy.

How did you quit?
July 15th, 2004.
8:00 pm: Had my last cigarette. Goodbye, Parliament Lights 100s.
10:00 pm: Put a patch on my arm and started chewing some gum.
10:45 pm: The skin on my arm under the patch has turned red and is starting to itch.
10:50 pm: Starting to feel warm, dizzy and very, very nauseous.
11:15 pm: Got sick in the bathroom. bleh.
11:17 pm: Removed the patch and spit out the gum.
12:00 am: Nic fit. Took 2 drags of a cigarette.
12:10 am: Got sick in the bathroom. bleh.
12:30 am: Put a patch on the other arm. Went to bed.
1:00 am - 8:00 am: The patch makes me have some weird ass funky dreams, yo.

July 16th, 2004:
8:00 am: I put a patch on my right hip. I figured the nausea might go away if I put the patch in a different location.
8:30 am: Driving to work. My ass starts to itch like a mofo.
9:00 am: I’m nauseous, dizzy and can’t stop scratching my ass.
9:25 am: I throw up in the bathroom. The women in there probably think it’s morning sickness.
9:25 am - 6:00 pm: Nauseous all fucking day.
6:30 pm: Go to CVS and buy the lowest dosage of the patch, figuring it might keep me from throwing up again. I’ve switched from 21 mg to 7 mg.
7:00 pm: At home, I put the 7 mg patch on my upper thigh.
7:30 pm: With a rash on my upper thigh, I run to the bathroom to get sick. again.
8:00 pm: Exhausted, I go to bed early.
8:00 pm - 8:00 am: I dream of merry-go-rounds and rainbows. I wonder if this what it’s like to be on acid.

July 17th, 2004:
Another day of patches, rashes and getting sick in bathrooms.

July 18th, 2004:
Tired of being covered in square-shaped rashes, battling constant headaches and constantly throwing up in bathrooms, I ditch the patches and gum.

Fortunately, combining the patches and gum made me overdose on nicotine….which explained my constant nausea. As it turns out, this was the best thing that could happen, because I’m totally turned off by cigarettes now. It’s kinda like when I turned 21, I did 10 shots of tequila in 20 minutes and was sick for 3 days. Still now, the very smell of tequila makes me retch.

Though, I will note that since quitting smoking I’ve developed a strong love for beer and sake. hmmmmmmm……

i’m bored with the internet. is it possible that can happen?

bleh.

After weeks of blood and sweat, L’il Bro’s finally completed his thesis. [insert fanfare] The Sis and I have been able to monitor his progress by his away messages on AOL Instant Messenger.

Here’s his away message for tonite:

things i have regained now that my thesis is done:

- my laziness

- my will to live

- massive amounts of sleep

- a dysfunctional liver

p.s. someone remind me to turn it in tomorrow