1. Pigeons are the most fearless animals on the planet. They will perch quietly on anything, including 500ft tall walking alien robots shooting lasers and destroying cities.
  2. Find Tom Cruise because he can sniff out the last working car on the East Coast. Must be all that Scientology.
  3. Bad things happen when you drink Peach Schnapps.
  4. Human beings are, apparently, the dirtiest beings in the universe. I blame the cockroaches.
  5. Make friends with rich white people in Boston because in the event of a violent alien world invasion, their brownstones are left intact.